Random story I wrote. Check it out :D

I was kinda bored yesterday, and decided that I should write a story.
Tell me what you guys think of it.

Murder at Southside High

“Pass it!” “Over here!” The basketball player passed the ball to the farthest voice. Another player receives the ball, and sprints to the far side of the court. He approaches the basket, and prepares to jump. He evades a player, and leaps into the air. Another player a few feet away also jumps and try’s to block the other players dunk. He isn’t able to stop him, and the player scores. The crowd cheers. They were more excited than usual today, for the game was between two rival schools.
Meanwhile in the bleachers, Ben, the school quarterback, is cheering with the crowd. His team had just won their football game against their school’s rival team as well, and he was hoping that this game would turn out to be another victory for his school, Southside High. He decides to get up and get some more soda, but while he is getting up, he freezes. He feels a cold hand clenching tightly on his neck. He slowly turns around. “What are you do-” A knife is suddenly rammed through his skull. Ben’s vision goes red. The killer then goes for a quick strike to Ben’s neck. The slash hits right on the spot, and his neck is tore open. Ben’s eyes rolls back and he collapses to the ground, his face stuck in an expression of complete shock.
A few seats under, a mother of one of the basketball players, feels a light tap on her head. Another taps hits her head. She takes notice on the third, and looks up. A red drop falls from overhead, and splatters on her face. She makes out a boy lying facedown on the bleachers. She quickly identifies the condition that he was in. Two more drops of blood fall on her face. A horrified expression comes across her face, and she screams. Hundreds of spectators turn their attention to the direction of the scream. More screams fill the building, as more people get a view of the corpse. Chaos quickly engulfs the arena, as the murderer escapes through the back.

Jackson, a blonde, long haired 16 year old boy, is walking to school with his little sister Lizzy. He looks down at her, she is wearing a red t-shirt, and some blue jeans. He noticed that she was using excessively long strides so that she could step over all the cracks on the sidewalk. She was hard to walk with at his normal pace, but since today was her 9th birthday, he decides not to say anything. Her brown hair flows in the wind, and he notices that she wasn’t wearing her pony tail today. “Did you have your hair straightened?” asks Jackson. “Yep! Mommy did if for me, does it look nice?” she asks. “It looks much better today.” Jackson says with a faint smile.
Jackson arrives at the school on time. He drops his little sister off at her classroom, and heads to his locker. As he is walking down the hallway, he notices how silent the school was. He feels multiple stares bearing down on him, and he walks faster. He had heard of Bens sudden murder last night, but he never imagined that it would have this much of a effect on the school. He also never expected people to be this suspicious of him. He got to his locker and quickly opened it. A note falls out from the locker onto the floor. He picked it up “Did you do it?” he read aloud. Jackson shakes his head. He pockets the note, and walks on. “Ben” he thought. “I wonder who finally got you.” Ben was the school jerk. Everyone hated him, and Ben hated them back. Though, Ben hated him the most. He doesn’t remember exactly why he started to hate him so much. He thinks that it had to do with how he was the only one that was able to stand up to him. Their numerous conflicts were famous throughout the school, and were always escalating, even to the point were Ben tried to kill him. All of Ben’s attempts to harm Jackson always failed though. His bare hands were able to subdue him every time. Ben’s brute strength was no match for Jacksons mixed martial art skills. Jackson recalled that he only started taking martial arts class, and became a master at it, because of Ben.
The first few periods slowly crawled on, and Jackson had trouble paying attention, and barely got through math class with ought falling asleep. He felt extremely relieved after he heard the lunch bell ring. His best friend Chris, a dark brown haired boy with hazel eyes, and a similar age to his, was waiting for him at their table. “Did you do it?” he asked. “Did you put this in my locker?” Jason pulled out the note. “Yes, but did you finally do it?” “No” Jackson sighed deeply. “I didn’t.” “You should have, considering how many times he tried to kill you.” “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s all over.”
Halfway through his lunch, he saw someone staring at him out of the corner of his eye. He looked up to see Travis, his neighbor, staring at him. His dark eyes, long black hair over one eye, showed that he was completely emo. Travis was known for always sulking and being depressed, and Jackson rarely talked to him. Travis’s eyes quickly darted away, and Jackson completely dismissed the event. He had gotten enough stares today. When he got up to leave for his next class, he noticed that Travis had left his backpack at his table. He grabbed it, and decided that he would give it back to him next time he saw him.

After school, he picked up Lizzy from her class, and began to walk home. Before he got home, he noticed some strange figures at his house. He quickly realized who they were. He grabbed Lizzy, and darted behind a nearby bush. He spotted Travis looking at the figures though a window. Then, something suddenly hit him. “Lizzy, can you take this backpack, I want you to please take this to Chris tomorrow at school.” he managed a fake smile. “Uhhh sure!” she said. She began to walk away. “Oh, and Lizzy. Go through the back door today” “Why?” “It’s a surprise” he said, managing another fake smile. “Oh, ok!” He watched her run away with a smile on her face. He then walked out of the bushes, and began to walk to the house. He tried to walk as normally as he could. He stopped walking at the driveway. He heard a car drive up, and stop behind him. Still looking the opposite direction, he heard a car door open, and could make out the shadow of a police man approaching him. He felt cold steel clasp around his wrists. “Could you please come with me?” said a voice. Jason didn’t answer. He just turned around, and headed towards the police car.
Jackson woke up. He was in a cell. He observed his cell. The ceilings and walls were painted a greenish tan, and the floor was some mix of brown, green and orange. It had been 47 hours since he was arrested in front of his house, or so he estimated. He was hungry, and very tired. But his spirit was nowhere near broken. He had a plan. Even given his current situation, his expression was grim, full of confidence, and complete seriousness. Soon after, he heard footsteps. They kept getting closer. Jackson got up. A guard approached the cell. “Yo-” The guard was surprised, Jackson was already ready. He stared back at the guard with intense blue eyes. “You have been summoned” says the guard. He opened the cell, and let Jackson out.
Jackson was escorted into the courtroom. Whispers echoed throughout the building upon his entrance, but he ignored them. He approached the stand, said the oath, and began his testimony. Jackson kept quiet for most of the time. His lawyer, some person who his family hired, was doing most of the talking. He looked around the courtroom. His family, relatives, and basically everyone in the room, stared back at him. He saw Travis sitting close to the stand. They exchanged glances, and then Jackson turned around, putting his back to the crowd. “Were is Chris, I need him.” he thought. “Cmon Chris, pull through for me”.

An hour passed, the prosecutor ended his turn, and the defense began theirs. “You had so much potential” the judge lectured to Jackson. You were the top of your class, and a national champion fencer. Along with being a master martial artist.” Jackson remained silent. The judge was just finishing up the case, and was about to pound his gavel when one of the police officers approached him. He whispered something to the judge. Jackson made out half of the words they said from afar. His eyes widened. “Jackson” the judge said. “Do you know a boy nam-” “Yes” Jackson said. “Let him in.” The judge gestured to a officer at the far side of the room. Chris suddenly entered the room, breathing heavily. “Your honor” said the lawyer. “I would like to bring a witness to the stand, and present some new evidence.” “Very well” said the judge. Chris walked up to the stand, still breathing heavily. He gave the backpack that he had with him to a officer, who brought it over to the jury and judge. “Thank you” Jackson said smiling. “Anytime” Chris said with a huge smile. Jackson then looked behind him, with a sad expression on his face. He looked at Travis, who was already freaking out. His face was full of shock, and fear. “Make sure that the kid in the back, the one with the black emo hair, doesn’t escape” Jackson says to his lawyer. “The one in the upper left row?” the lawyer asks. “Yes, him.” The judge just finished reviewing the new evidence, and began questioning Chris. “How did you get here” he asked. “I biked here from my house” Chris said. “How far is your house?” “3 hours by car” Jackson then notices that Chris was completely soaked in sweat, and was still breathing heavily. “Why couldn’t you drive here?” the judge asked. “My parents didn’t want me to have anything to do with Jackson, after what happened” Chris said. Suddenly, Jacksons senses screamed at him. He turned around and yelled “Don’t let him escape!” The police officers whirled around to see Travis leap out of his seat, and begin sprinting for the door. The officers were barley able to reach him in time. They were having a ton of trouble subduing his thrashing body. “Why are you doing this!” screamed Travis. “It’s Jackson!” “Not me!” “Jackson!” His screams pierced the air of the once quiet courtroom. “Take him into custody” the judge said. Four officers dragged Travis out. One officer stayed with his family. They looked devastated, and Jackson could see the tears in their eyes. Jackson looked over at the prosecutor. He looked back, and nodded. “Your honor, I would like to withdraw all charges on the defendant. “Very well, said the judge. The judge looked at Jackson “How did you know?” he asked. “Ben affected everyone in the school” said Jackson. “Some people took it harder than others. Travis for example, was emotionally unstable, and not very good at defending himself. He probably got targeted by Ben many times over. I knew that Travis had some sort of hateful thing or things involving Ben in his backpack. It probably wouldn’t have been enough to prove my innocence, but I knew that he would have a reaction to me displaying that evidence, and that we be more than enough evidence to prove my case. I was able to get his backpack, and its contents to Chris through my sister. The rest, I knew he would handle.” Jackson and Chris then turned their heads towards each other, and smiled. “Well, you are a smart child indeed” said the judge. “Court dismissed.”

Jackson got home a few hours later. His family made sure that their first priority was to get Chris home. Jackson walked in the door, and looked around. The house was a mess. He knew that meant his family didn’t pay attention to anything while he was gone. He turned around, to look at his family walking through the door. He smiled to himself. Feeling a bit warmer inside, he walked upstairs. He walked into his room, and looked into his mirror. Sullen, bagged eyes stared back at him. His face was also dirty, and he looked skinnier. But he didn’t care. He smiled at the mirror. It was one of the most natural and biggest smiles that he had produced in years. He was relieved, for after two years, his problems were finally over.

Sooo how was it?

Nice, really nice. As I like to say: It doesn't matter if the story is great, it is how it is written that makes it special. And you delivered. I wish English was my primary language, well. Hope to see more. I cannot actually say if I digged (more than liked) the story because I'm not into Law Reinforcements but I can see that this story is really well written.

kavasiki wrote:

Nice, really nice. As I like to say: It doesn't matter if the story is great, it is how it is written that makes it special. And you delivered. I wish English was my primary language, well. Hope to see more. I cannot actually say if I digged (more than liked) the story because I'm not into Law Reinforcements but I can see that this story is really well written.

Yeah, the whole twist at the end would probaly be more enjoyed by law loving people, but i'm sure that it was still interesting.
I have always been very good at wording and writing a well structured story.
My stories could definitely have some more creative features though.

I'm glad that you liked it.

Sizzle Fish wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Nice, really nice. As I like to say: It doesn't matter if the story is great, it is how it is written that makes it special. And you delivered. I wish English was my primary language, well. Hope to see more. I cannot actually say if I digged (more than liked) the story because I'm not into Law Reinforcements but I can see that this story is really well written.

Yeah, the whole twist at the end would probaly be more enjoyed by law loving people, but i'm sure that it was still interesting.
I have always been very good at wording and writing a well structure story.
My stories could definitely have some more creative features though.

I'm glad that you liked it.

This is really good. I'm gonna write a story!

Skevengal wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Nice, really nice. As I like to say: It doesn't matter if the story is great, it is how it is written that makes it special. And you delivered. I wish English was my primary language, well. Hope to see more. I cannot actually say if I digged (more than liked) the story because I'm not into Law Reinforcements but I can see that this story is really well written.

Yeah, the whole twist at the end would probaly be more enjoyed by law loving people, but i'm sure that it was still interesting.
I have always been very good at wording and writing a well structure story.
My stories could definitely have some more creative features though.

I'm glad that you liked it.

This is really good. I'm gonna write a story!

Remember to post your story on here when your done. (:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Nice, really nice. As I like to say: It doesn't matter if the story is great, it is how it is written that makes it special. And you delivered. I wish English was my primary language, well. Hope to see more. I cannot actually say if I digged (more than liked) the story because I'm not into Law Reinforcements but I can see that this story is really well written.

Yeah, the whole twist at the end would probaly be more enjoyed by law loving people, but i'm sure that it was still interesting.
I have always been very good at wording and writing a well structure story.
My stories could definitely have some more creative features though.

I'm glad that you liked it.

This is really good. I'm gonna write a story!

Remember to post your story on here when your done. (:

My story...on this thread?

Skevengal wrote:

My story...on this thread?

He mean: Start a new thread and post it there.

kavasiki wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

My story...on this thread?

He mean: Start a new thread and post it there.

Oh....I see XD lol

Skevengal wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

My story...on this thread?

He mean: Start a new thread and post it there.

Oh....I see XD lol

Yes, cause we all would be really interested in seeing it. (:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

My story...on this thread?

He mean: Start a new thread and post it there.

Oh....I see XD lol

Yes, cause we all would be really interested in seeing it. (:

Ha, well Me and my friend are going to enter a contest so...I guess I could get some reviews XD

Skevengal wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

My story...on this thread?

He mean: Start a new thread and post it there.

Oh....I see XD lol

Yes, cause we all would be really interested in seeing it. (:

Ha, well Me and my friend are going to enter a contest so...I guess I could get some reviews XD

A writing contest?

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

My story...on this thread?

He mean: Start a new thread and post it there.

Oh....I see XD lol

Yes, cause we all would be really interested in seeing it. (:

Ha, well Me and my friend are going to enter a contest so...I guess I could get some reviews XD

A writing contest?

Um...it's a manga contest. For JUMP, it's Story King I believe that it's called...

Skevengal wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

My story...on this thread?

He mean: Start a new thread and post it there.

Oh....I see XD lol

Yes, cause we all would be really interested in seeing it. (:

Ha, well Me and my friend are going to enter a contest so...I guess I could get some reviews XD

A writing contest?

Um...it's a manga contest. For JUMP, it's Story King I believe that it's called...

Manga is a bit different then written stories though.

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

kavasiki wrote:

Skevengal wrote:

My story...on this thread?

He mean: Start a new thread and post it there.

Oh....I see XD lol

Yes, cause we all would be really interested in seeing it. (:

Ha, well Me and my friend are going to enter a contest so...I guess I could get some reviews XD

A writing contest?

Um...it's a manga contest. For JUMP, it's Story King I believe that it's called...

Manga is a bit different then written stories though.

Ah yea, but we're a Two-Person team, my friend does Drawings and I do the Story. Although it is different...well I don't have a story yet, so it doesn't really matter XD

Nice story makes me want to write one now

Ak wrote:

Nice story makes me want to write one now

Thank ya.

Remember to post your story here if you ever make one, we would love to read it. (:

Will do after Im done writing it down Ill post it up soon

Ak wrote:

Will do after Im done writing it down Ill post it up soon

Sounds good.

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Ak wrote:

Will do after Im done writing it down Ill post it up soon

Sounds good.

Does a fanfic count?

Ak wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Ak wrote:

Will do after Im done writing it down Ill post it up soon

Sounds good.

Does a fanfic count?

Sure

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Ak wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Ak wrote:

Will do after Im done writing it down Ill post it up soon

Sounds good.

Does a fanfic count?

Sure

Lol Ill have it up soon. The first chapter tho

Ak wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Ak wrote:

Sizzle Fish wrote:

Ak wrote:

Will do after Im done writing it down Ill post it up soon

Sounds good.

Does a fanfic count?

Sure

Lol Ill have it up soon. The first chapter tho

Dang, must be pretty long if it has chapters.

Oops meant to say parts not chapters. Might be 3 to 4 parts long.